Giving Up The Ghost

One of the most difficult part of becoming a skeptic has been giving up old beliefs. I look at my life as I would the swinging of a pendulum. When I was a True Believer, my pendulum was at one extreme end of its swing. Then, I believed in fairies, dragons, magic in the real world, ghosts, psychic powers, channeling and so much more.

I believed that I was special because I could do things that people coveted. I “knew” things through an ability I called DreamWalking. When I went dreamwalking I would send out tendrils of my consciousness to find out where people were. Eventually I “learned” to send those tendrils into the future. So my friends were constantly asking me to “see” for them. It got to the point that every time a couple of them called me I knew they weren’t even calling to talk to me. They just wanted me to “see” for them.

It wasn’t long after that realization when I started “losing” my ability. In other words I started making excuses: I was tired. All I could see was  darkness like I was being blocked. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to “see” that. During that period I came to the abrupt realization that I was doing cold readings without even knowing it.

Cold reading is a series of techniques used by mentalists, illusionists, fortune tellers, psychics, and mediums to determine or express details about another person, often in order to convince them that the reader knows much more about a subject than they actually do.[1] Without prior knowledge of a person, a practiced cold reader can still quickly obtain a great deal of information about the subject by analyzing the person’s body language, age, clothing or fashion, hairstyle, gender, sexual orientation, religion, race or ethnicity, level of education, manner of speech, place of origin, etc. Cold readers commonly employ high probability guesses about the subject, quickly picking up on signals from their subjects as to whether their guesses are in the right direction or not, and then emphasizing and reinforcing any chance connections the subjects acknowledge while quickly moving on from missed guesses.

If professionals could do this with training, just imagine how much better at it I was simply because I knew my friends so well.I has more hits than misses before I started feeling like a vending machine. Eventually I just stopped alltogether. Part of me realized that I was doing my friends more harm than good. They were depending on me to give them advice based in my self delusion.

This wasn’t really the direction I intended to take this post. But here it is. I refuse to edit content. It’s important for new skeptics to know where others have been. I know that then I just wanted to be special…different…even loved. I wanted that SO much that I deluded myself and others into believing that I DID have psychic gifts.

I know now that I AM special. We all are because the cosmic accident that created this little gem of a planet and the life on it makes us ALL special. We are all, every one of us, rare and precious gems simply because we exist. I am Different. I’m different because my upbringing, genetics and life choices have made me, at least, a little different and, most importantly, I AM loved. Not for the fake stuff either or for what I can do for others. I am loved and admired for who and what I am. My husband and family show me that love every day.

I don’t need that other stuff anymore.


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