Pat Robertson: “God is confused by metrosexuals”

Yesterday an earthquake measuring 5.9 on the Richter scale hit the mid-Atlantic coast. It was felt as far north as Canada and as far south as central South Carolina. To my knowledge there was only property damage and no fatalities. Fortunately it was a relatively minor quake.

Today, evangelist Pat Robertson said that the earthquake was God’s revenge on meterosexuals, those men who “get manicures and wear designer eyewear”. He went on to say, “God finds this somewhat gay-like behavior confusing, and He responded by getting mildly peeved.”.

Okay…so, a god who is omniscient throughout time is confused by men who like to look nice and present themselves well? Sounds more like some old guy standing on his porch yelling “Get a haircut, ya hippie!”.

Robertson continues, warning that if Americans continue with their “seemingly sort-of-gay behavior,” we in the US should brace itself for additional ambiguous acts of retaliation from the Almighty.

“God will strike back at people who act sort of gay with all kinds of mild responses,” he said.  “If you keep getting pedicures and facials, you can expect two to three inches of rain and some really hot humid days in your future.”

Someone should tell Roberson that he just described a typical summer day in Florida.

Roberston feels that because some people in New York had what he refers to as an “over the top reaction”, those people will “run the risk of moderately annoying the Heavenly Father yet again.”.

“God looks at people who get their panties in a twist after a little shaking, and He says to Himself, ‘Wow, that’s really kind of gay,’” he said.

In other episodes of the 700 Club, Robertson has blamed the earthquake in Haiti on a supposed Satanic Voodoo pact that the Haitians made to gain their independence. Now he’s blaming yeasterday’s earthquake on metrosexuals. This, coming from a man who wears make-up.




  1. John said,

    August 24, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    good for a laugh but not real

  2. John Small Berries said,

    August 24, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    You do realize that’s a parody site, right?

  3. Patrick said,

    August 24, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    What person thinks P.R. doesn’t get a manicure? And do you think his suits come off the rack at Men’s Warehouse? I doubt it. He probably has his own private tailor. I’m sure he also wears a ton of makeup both onscreen and in public appearances. Hypocrite.

    Pat Robertson’s full name is MARION Gordon Robertson. Marion. That had to be rough growing up in school.

    But, then again, John Wayne’s first name was Marion also. Go figure. Didn’t seem to give him a complex.

  4. August 24, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    You were stung by my dear friend, Andy Borowitz.

    While Robertson is certainy known for arbitrarily blaming the ACLU, feminists, homosexual-gay’s and the lovers of “big-abortion” on natural occurrences on this lively rock based organic space-ship we find ourself upon, Robertson did not vocalise any particular god-based wrath sentiments on this latest earth-burp.

  5. Peebs said,

    August 24, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    How can god be confused? He/She/It is omnipotent and omnipresent.

    I’m worried about putting on aftershave now!

  6. Kristen said,

    August 25, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    When I read the Pat Robertson quote online about heterosexuals, I couldn’t believe he really said it. It sounded too much like a headline from The Onion… Too many people have this false idea of God (which actually makes what they are worshiping a “false god”). I really wish people weren’t so blind in relation to spirituality.

  7. Dusty said,

    August 25, 2011 at 10:17 pm

    It sounds like something Robertson would say, but, he would do so in a more offensive and malevolent way.

  8. August 26, 2011 at 10:12 am

    […] 26, 2011 at 10:12 am (Uncategorized) Two days ago I wrote an article about Pat Robertson and his supposed claim that hos God is confused by metrosexuals. Last night I […]

  9. August 26, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Please see my latest entry “Always Check Your Sources”. It’s where I sheepishly admit that I let my personal biases get in the way. Sorry Intertubes. I’ll do better next time.

  10. Patrick said,

    September 2, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    I too, knew it was parody, as I am familiar with Andy Borowitz. But, then again, I am also familiar with Pat Robertson; and the older he gets, the more likely he is to regurgitate some lunacy. Perhaps this is but a prophecy. Nice link, Kristen. That’s a keeper.

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